After the failure, I finally noticed that I have low self esteem.
The reason I strife so hard to be better is mainly because I have no confidence in myself. That is why I have to better in order to boost myself up. I always said that image is not that important for me but it is not quite true. I cared about how people look at me. I still can't live on totally on my own yet.I am not confident of who I am. Society somehow played its role in structuring me. Perhaps it is because my history made me or I made myself up.
A free gift will always remain tautology. That is a fact and there is no such thing is a free gift.
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