- 31.10.2009 -

Why destiny is so cruel?
Some people are just so selfish to the extent they don't even bother.
And it happened that the selfish people are my close ones.
This sucks badly.
Well, no offense, but I really wish you all will be buried in hell.
Following by my death as well..
Why this gotta be related to me?
I want a peaceful life, which and where I couldn't get. Even after I explained in detail.They just don't bother.
Is life really worth this way?
Why can't I go solo normally?
Why must I stuck in between..
There are so many "whys" without answers in my life.
And worst part is..The answers will not be available..
I wish the world could leave me entirely...
Perhaps when the lighting strikes me, I would save my last breath to say "thank you God".

- 29.10.2009 -

Intention is important in everything.
When there are no intentions, there wouldn't be any actions.
Intentions create actions.
Well, no intention to blog. But somehow, the action existed moments ago.
For the first time, I felt weak and needed help from people.
However, even I can't, I will also not seek help from people.
My lecturer said once, "there won't be any advantage in a company for lone rangers."
During that moment, my thoughts on this statement sounded logical.
Well, I will try my best to break through this cycle, as lone ranger's nature is bonded with me already. Again, there's nothing much I could do.
On the bright side, I actually strategized the plans weeks ahead..
Well, if nothing goes wrong, I assume, I will be able to make this through again, of course, and certainly, with great obstacles.

- 15.10.2009 -

Today is the day that there will be a big hole in my world and life..
Perhaps, I was wrong..but.. you knew me well.. Challenging me in the morning would lead to no good at all...
In my previous relationship, you were there..
In this late one, there will be no one which will guide me through my destiny..
The trade-off of the happiness that I enjoyed was the time forgone and the current sadness that I am experiencing. Nothing is free in this world..
Perhaps, I could not and cannot make it through this time. If it happens, please forgive me.. life is vague and I don't see any reasons to survive. Mission statement had abolished hours ago..
I am just an object without life in this world..I don't feel and see any goals.
I think I can't even be a "half pail full person"...
I can't achieve my goals and purpose.
What's the point of staying here?

- 14.10.2009 -

She said , " when you wanna do something, do it nicely", "would you like to be half pail empty or half pail full?"..
Wow,these statements motivated me..
However, it is not good to be too optimistic...
As I failed many times while I was in the optimistic mode..
Optimistic rate goes linearly with the expectations ..When you are optimistic, your expectations are usually high as well..When you fail, degree of sadness and depression will also be high.When you start a relationship, you will always want good outcome from it. But who knows what is going to happen in the future?
Scars over my body were the outcome of my optimistic behavior last time..

- 12.10.2009 -

As I looked at my right hand, I felt disappointed...
My crooked ring finger made me think back of what I've done..
Basically, it was just stupid to be precise..
Nothing much I could do...
I just have to bear with my stupidity....
I realized my right hand is actually irrecoverable due to serious injuries.
Well, at least my right hand recovered...
Back then, it took me nearly 1 1/2 years to recover before the pain completely disappeared.
We humans proceed with our emotions that caused us lots of casualties..
But we can't do a single shit because we never can completely control ourselves.

- 02.10. 2009 -

If there is capacity to test my elasticity, better do not..
I am not like a regular rubber which the main attribute of it is high with elasticity.
If there will be next time, you will know...
I mean what I said, I mean it...
Life is a valueless item to me....
So, there is nothing more important than my valueless life..
Better watch out..
I have low elasticity...
I might look like an " I don't mind " guy ..
But when it comes to important things, what I said is what I meant.

- 02.09.2009 -

World with doubts is a dull place to reside in...
Disappointment is the word again...
I felt stupid for being cheated again..
Betrayed by friends is sufficient enough...
Worst part was ... even lover contributed a fraction in the betrayal...
World is a chamber of torture...