- -

goodbye my love.

- the end? -

Will this be the end?
I do not have even a lil confidence in myself. How could this be?
When I see you for even few seconds, I was so helpless. I can't do anything.I want to talk to you but I couldn't. We are so far away from each other. How could I survive for another period of time. Deep inside I am so lonely. I am drowning and I couldn't breathe. Although I can laugh and smile but there's something really missing in me. I can't figure out what is the thing that is missing in life. I waited till today and I still found no answer. I am not as cool as what I look like. I hate fakers but ME myself is one of them. I don't wanna pass the burden to others. I wish YOU can really hear my wish and please guide me through this pain.. I am trying really hard now. PLEASE...

- uncertainty -

single? available? single but not available? don't have the mood to be in a relationship or available but available in an unavailable way?
what should I do? Give up? I don't have faith in myself by what I got from the "feeding". I am scared, I am nervous, I am nothing all together. What should I do?
I sought for help from "LORD", but till now there is no reply!
If you really can light my path, I don't mind following policies.

- Value -

Value of a person is determined by the attitude but not outlook. Agreed?
Any actions that would tarnish the value would bring an effect to valued person's surroundings. How people perceive you as is equivalent to your value in other words. Value is so important and it is so hard to be determined. A person might be as quiet as he/she is but deep inside he/she has best attitude and mentality. Looking at things differently is great. Taking a step back is always safe. There might be a car on the position before you take a step back; bad analogy. Like I said, some people just would not know what value is. Like typical consumers, they see price of the goods but not value of the goods. Price is everything to them. Everyone is like a product in this world and the present society. It depends on how we market ourselves to others. For example, a rotten apple can be sold with high price when the positioning about the apple is that after consuming the apple, we can fly. The world "fly" is the value that is perceived by that person who is going to buy that apple. Today is a great day where I heard someone saying "I see thousand things!". Well, sometimes, it is better to focus on a particular thing in life rather that thousand things at a moment. Life is much more easier when we look at things one at a time, rather than 1000things at a time. Right?

- Not that simple -

Its not that simple. In real life, perfect thing or perfect dreams are unattainable. You can be the most sincere and good person. However, you still lack of something. I can be kind,helpful and altruistically stupid. Well, I still lack of the driver to hurt people as they are all very selfish. Why I am doing so? I don't really know.. I just want to see a person who smile more than a person who cries in front of me.. I can't bear to see a person who is hurt; for physical it is always alright unless the severe ones but not a mentally tortured person. There's nothing much I can comment about myself because I have not seen enough about myself.. Maybe people might think differently, but I am absolute that I don't wanna see a person in torment especially close ones.

- a better future -

Come to think of it, I really glad that I suffered for years and I can see light along my path. Although its kinda lonely and depressing, I think in the long run I will be substantially better off in this current path. We are just from different world...I tried to blend in to yours, however, different nature all together. I am glad I entered into a new world meeting different people. I am capable of achieving better than average people, that is what I strongly think. Although I can't achieve normal-ness, I am glad that I am abnormal. If there are 100 people in a sample, and 99 of them are smart and brilliant, I think I am the 1 which is stupid and naive. It took just few years to see the difference between us... and I am already seeing it now..